Monday, January 27, 2014

Shared experience

Wow.  I just got off the phone with a terrified mother who is in the hospital pregnant with the second of her twins after delivering the first last week at 24 weeks, 1 day.  It brought back so many emotions - I remember being there.  I remember not wanting to connect with the baby in the NICU for fear my heart would soon be broken if he didn't come home.

Whew.  Rough call - I had no idea what to say.  I wanted to ask her if she had named him yet.  I wanted to tell her that she needed to be attached and spend some time and take that risk - because if he doesn't come home, she will never forgive herself that she won't have the opportunity to do it in the future.  But I wouldn't have been ready to hear that a week after giving birth to Chomps.

Mr. was such a rock-star.  He loved that boy and cheered him on and it was all but miraculous how calm Chompy was when he was around.  I sometimes feel guilty that Mr. basically had to go through that alone because I was so unavailable obsessing on how I can take care of the two boys inside since that was all I had control over.

How I wish I would have had my Faith then.  Big F Faith.  Not "I was raised in the church and went through the motions until I was old enough to rebel" faith.  But the "I know God will be with me no matter with happens" Faith.  How much more comforted I would have been.  I pray she has that.

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